I'd wear matching sweaters with you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize