I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I believe in your delicious
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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