Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
