i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
