It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
