ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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