He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize