im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
