No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she was so not down for the gang bang
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
