i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
