mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
