Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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