I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
