I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
