Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize