I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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