i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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