I murdered the dance floor call the cops
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
