her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
