i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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