I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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