and i looked up. we had an audience...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
