oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize