i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
