Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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