how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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