My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
