I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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