I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
