ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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