Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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