the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
