Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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