She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
