Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
