if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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