in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
