Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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