Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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