dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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