Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sext me about skeletons
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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