member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
