Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
