i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
