So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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