I think I died a long time ago.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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