He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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