im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
