its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I could fuck to npr.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
