Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
