i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
