i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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