if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
