just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
