Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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