I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize