Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
never play flip cup with pint glasses
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
