Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
