I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
