Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
