i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize