I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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