i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
