Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
