I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
