she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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