im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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