So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
