I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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