Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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