I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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