Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
