Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
