Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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