I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
