your thong is hanging out like whoa
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
