i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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