Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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