I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
