That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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