the condom got lost in my hair
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize