I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
