I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
