dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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