You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
