Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize