is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
