The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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