I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
