I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
