Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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