Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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