Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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