somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
