so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You don't make any sense
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