This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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