The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize