On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
