apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
