He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
