I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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