so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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