i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
