is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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